This morning I needed a miracle. Big in my face miracle. I needed a miracle so bad I didn't even think to ask for one, as is often the case when the need is greater than anything else.
The clouds blocked the sun when I woke, the stress I'd managed to keep away, keep at bay for the last couple weeks of my new job, the new job that I keep feeling is not.going.to.work.out for a number of reasons, and reason number 101 cropped up yesterday when I got my first paycheck, and the realization hit that my after-tax income for the month will pay my mortgage, and that's it. I'm okay for the month so it's not time to panic. This is a great big blinking colorful neon sign that I need a new job and yesterday I was so
amused. Laughing out loud amused because it's the straw that breaks the elephant's back when the elephant is carrying the camel.
This morning though, the reality some people live in, the one where there is only a recession in sight and no miracles anywhere wrapped its suffocating self around me like saran wrap and I couldn't breathe. All I could do was be angry. Do you know that feeling, Internet audience? That feeling like all you can feel is anger and it transmogrifies your sane rational hopeful thoughts into f*ed up ones. Some small part of you speaks quietly that it's all going to be okay, all of it, but you can't hear that ... yet.
So of COURSE my job had an emergency this morning too, but at least it was a decent distraction so my worker bee personality could take over and be normal and social and get stuff done.
Then, the sun chased the clouds away and caressed the octagon crystal hung in my kitchen windows, and rainbows fell like soft rain all over my kitchen, and as below, even landing in my tea.
That is enough miracle for me, enough to shake the mood, today.
