A Week Off

I would imagine, or surmise, that one or two or twelve people in this warp speed society daydream in between their morning skim milk latte and the one in the afternoon, that they daydream of taking a bit of time off. Perhaps these same two or twelve people imagine they would watch all of the Big Love episodes they've never seen, or they would remodel the kitchen, or write that big novel that tickles their synapses on a rainy Thursday as they stare at their 14 inch laptop display pretending that they're creating some urgent work report or email.

This week I am one of those people, I may, as I said in my last post, be one of those people for more than this week.

I've done this before, the taking a bit of time off, and I'm not counting vacations where I board a plane to anywhere but here, but I am talking about the time I've had between projects where I sunk my teeth into a chunk of unstructured, unpaid time off.

There's an art to this, really, an art and a surrender to having time where I make up my own to-do list that has little to do with people in an office talking to each other and playing politics and inflating drama to the size of a hot air balloon. The problem, which they guy who wrote 4 hour workweek (help me out here, the book's in the other room) hinted at, is you do need to have some idea of what you want to do with free time. The problem is that without that idea and/or an inclination to making my own task lists with enough, but not too much to drive me crazy so I wish I was at work.

Then there's also the part where I triumphantly slay the demons that guard the tower of Not Doing Enough. Yesterday, these demons were kept at bay as I was genuinely happy, so happy and relaxed that my husband asked me four times "Are you okay?" After the last time he answered himself "Nevermind, the best way to get someone out of a good mood is to ask them if they're okay." I squatted down in front of him, feeling nearly Zen and said "I think it's just that you're not used to seeing me relaxed." Heck, I'm not used to being relaxed, I think I should be fighting this or it should be hard and I should be in agony and stress and anxiety, and pick up a smack habit or something. I don't know who these people are that made up those Shoulds, but I'd like to give them a swift kick in the reproductive organs.

Right at this moment my sweetie daughter is snuggling under my right arm that is trying to type. I only half realized what was happening, and was about to say something so totally uncool like move because I'm typing, but I've stopped listening to the Should People today and instead accepted this full on gift of love just like when I went to pick her up from school and she saw me from across the playground and ran, full speed towards me, arms open wide, face wearing GLEE. Nobody wears GLEE quite like a four year old.

I can fast forward well enough into her development to know these days of running towards me arms wide and smiling are perhaps numbered. This ability to fast forward has the unique present of giving in completely to the moment and accepting the gift of love when it arrives, not at some time that the Should People consider convenient.

I'd like to rewrite some of those Shoulds, while I'm on the topic:
+ I SHOULD ...

Okay, that's a bad idea. Even if I write good things, Should transfigures them into nasty gut tightening things and I don't want a job being one of the Should People. I'd rather do a lot of things that involve pain or embarassment.

This week is about surrendering into a brief list of tasks punctuated by expanses of time with nothing to do, or at the very least, so many fewer things to do than usual that they get done and I feel good. What a thought!

I'm on a journey in my hometown to find my own rhythm, my own groove. I mildly thought to panic about not making money this week, but instead decided to put it off until next week, because I am a good enough squirrel that we are fine for a week or two or three if needed, and it is needed, because for three days in a row now I've been happy. As my delightful friend said, "Now is the time to execute trust and faith!"