Guilt

The one AW essay I searched for, in hopes that it existed but I previously only gave a cursory review, was one on GUILT.

I found two entries in the index but it was barely mentioned, skimmed over, and in my world, neglected.

For now, I'm going to pretend I am Julia Cameron writing the AW and here is what I would say about it.

GUILT
As a newly recovering creative, you may be attacked by furious, unforgiving bouts of guilt. You may feel like there is no possible way you can do something for yourself, for your artist, because you feel intensely guilty that you are putting too much responsibility onto others to take care of things in your absence.

Those things could be children, pets, cleaning, laundry, or cooking. Be careful here, and make sure the guilt is founded. Guilt is a good way to get out of taking care of ourselves, but it can backfire. I remember one woman (let's call her Julie, because it's me, and my name is Julie) who just last week, nearing the end of the AW where she was taking on the world: pursuing her dream of becoming a yoga instructor and spending more time away from home, leaving her toddler daughter in the capable care of her husband, suffered immensely from guilt and ended up making herself sick.

Evidently guilt can depress the immune system to give Julie a cold. It was only when, in a yoga training, that the subject of guilt came up about correcting student poses, when the source of her illness became apparent.

A voice inside her (my) head said: you know how to heal yourself, just give up the guilt!

So she did. She worked a half day on Monday and did more yoga in one day than ever before. The next day she was better.

(It's strange writing about myself in third person, mind if I switch back now?)

I felt so much guilt that I was putting too much on T that I made myself sick.

I don't have a nice tidy ending to this essay on guilt, but for me it was interesting that this issue appeared at the end of the AW!