New sources of peace and calm

I have been trying to get to a rebirthing class for about six months. I don't really get rebirthed in this class, but it's a healing breath that takes over my body and sometimes people get visions of their own birth. I once had a vision that I was in a red room, but that was the closest I got to seeing my own birth.

Before I mated and procreated, getting to the class was quite easy. About fifteen minutes before the class would start I would leave, get in my car, and drive to class. I would walk in, pay $20, lay down on a yoga mat with a couple blankets and breathe.

Since I got pregnant twenty-nine months ago I haven't gone. I get stopped somewhere between starting to leave and getting in my car. Something always comes up. Tonight, T is running a bit late and I'm tired anyway. Too tired to get in the car and drive. Too tired to tell him to hurry so I can rush and leave.

I wonder if I'm avoiding something by not going. I used to go once a month religiously and my whole life was more calm and peaceful because of it. When I was going regularly, I noticed that the chatter in my brain was reduced to a low mumble. These are great reasons to go, yet not good enough I suppose.

Also, leaving at 6PM on a Sunday when I'm working on Monday is challenging. Ava needs dinner, a bath, and me to snuggle with as we watch Baby Einstein videos to relax. I need these routines to enjoy the fading twilight moments of a Sunday before a full day of work. I need these moments and this ritual perhaps more than rhythmic breathing.

Funny thing, by the time Ava and I get settled into the big red chair I'm pretty relaxed and my brain has shifted into a lower speed of chatter already.

Perhaps, just perhaps, I found a new family-oriented way to have the benefits of the class minus the visions but with my sweet little girl by my side.