Coming into focus

There is a part in Joe Vs. The Volcano when Tom Hanks' character is shopping with his driver for the day - after he gets his haircut his driver (an angel in disguise) says to him "You're coming into focus, kid."

That's how I feel today - like I'm coming into focus.

I did get a hair cut - my first in ten months. My hair only grows to about a third of the way down my back and then split ends start splitting and it refuses to grow any longer. I was beyond the point of frustration - I had to carry an assortment of clips and rubber bands so I could get my hair out of my face at any time. It had gone on too long.

So I called my friend who cuts my hair, and she was available right when I wanted her, and instead of making me drive across the GGate bridge we met at her place across town (which I had secretly wished for!). I had been preparing myself and T all week - I'm getting my hair cut short. Short short short! I am tired of long hair and my power is in no way tied to the length of my hair. My friend cut it wonderfully, I now have happy hair that is just grazing the top of my shoulders and pushing it behind my ears works great to keep it out of my face. It's perfect.

Then she had a break in her day so we went for a walk to grab a bagel.

On the way she asks me where I live, which spawns a synchronistic conversation about photography as she's coming to my neck of the city next week to do a maternity photo shoot.

The synchronicity is that when I was thinking about what I would do if I couldn't work in computers and I couldn't write - I would be a photographer. Then resignation and cynicism set in, as I "tried" it before but didn't succeed.

Then I end up in a conversation with her about how it would be FUN to work together - as I don't want to do this solo - I want a partner. Everything for me these days is about partnering with someone else. We started talking about wedding photography, child photography, what we like to do. I felt myself shrinking back, wanting to run away from the opportunity, wanting to run away from the possibility of being a photographer. Why? Because I've failed in the past and surely will fail again.

But as my friend said - let's just DO it. Not think about it, not talk about it, just DO it.

All I have to do is take the next step. That will be my Artist's Prayer:

All I have to do is take the next step.